My baby is one!
She’s finally one and boy did the time go by fast.
I can still feel the feeling I had when I gave my last push and she was laid on my chest. The tears streamed down my face from the emotion of meeting her for the first time.
Growing up I always imagined life as a wife and mother, but understanding that life happens and not how we always imagine. So my excitement was beyond the realm when my husband and I decided to start trying for baby #1 and my Clearblue pregnancy test immediately came back positive.
As much as I complained while being pregnant, I can’t complain about having a bad pregnancy. It was fairly smooth with the expected feet swelling, aches, pains, bladder leaks, and little elbows punching me throughout the day. I grew anxious at times hearing the stories of miscarriages. I anticipated week 12, then 25, then 30 because miscarriages are real, and although I’d never knowingly experienced it, I wasn’t oblivious to them. I also grew anxious because I just wanted to meet my baby. I literally kept track of each week I was pregnant, and rounded up a week each Friday because in my head it meant we were one week closer.
This first year has been everything and nothing that I have imagined.
I didn’t realize how nonchalant I was about the body change during and immediately after birth. I just now, slowly, want to get my old body back. And that is probably due to this 10-year challenge floating around the Internet and Facebook, constantly reminding me what I once looked like. I watched my body house and give birth to a human. Before, I wanted no parts of cellulite or stretch marks (well no more than the amount I already had). Now I have them both, everywhere, and impossible to get rid of. Before, my breasts sat A LOT higher. Now they are 2mm from my belly button (just kidding, kind of). It took me almost 30 years, but I finally have a gut. But, it’s okay, I’m getting myself together at my own pace.
I’ve breastfed, I’ve formula fed, I gave her a bottle within 24 hours of her life. I’ve questioned my abilities. I’ve wondered if I was home enough. I’ve put her clothes on backwards. I’ve wished for more sleep. I’ve wanted quiet time. I’ve cried. I’ve had more anxiety. I’ve had pee, poop, and boogers on my hands simultaneously. She’s fallen off the bed. She has taken a tumble that resulted in a knot on her forehead. I’ve taken advice. I’ve ignored advice. There were times in the beginning where showering was a luxury. I’ve given her graham crackers for dinner because she didn’t want her normal dinner. I comprise with a 1 year old, and the list continues.
This first year as a mom was probably my best year on this earth. Despite the times I questioned my capabilities and tried other peoples’ advice, it all came natural. My child is not hungry or dirty. I’ve been told by several people that she is an extremely happy toddler. To me, that means I’m doing a damn good job.
For all of the first time moms, you can do it. You will do it. There will be times you feel overwhelmed and times where you feel defeated. Take a break, but come back and realize that you are doing it and sooner than you know it you’ll be celebrating a first birthday!